he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
