She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
