so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
