you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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