When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
