i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
