OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
