i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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