My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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