can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
