well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
