No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
