I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
