I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He kissed a someone with a penis
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
