I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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