btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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