Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
