the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
