I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you had me at cake vodka
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
