i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
