my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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