Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
