a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
