You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize