Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
