She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize