That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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