You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
