I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
