Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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