he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
