Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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