Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
