So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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