Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Even my vagina gasped.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
