You made me cry and you don't even care
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
