You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
