dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
