i wish my penis had a tongue
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize