Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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