I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
