Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
