So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
