Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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