sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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