i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
