I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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