You can't motorboat a personality
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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