I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
