Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
