someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize