i just wanna soil my oats bro
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
