Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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