I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
