Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
