I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
