First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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