Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
