I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
