If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
