I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we made out on top of his cat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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