I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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