Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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