Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
