just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
