I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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