..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
