he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize