Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I believe in your delicious
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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