Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
