Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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