I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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