I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
