why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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