Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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