"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
